Sentimental shit

I am feeling very pensive today. And also being very, very wasteful of my precious time. Finally, the baby is sleeping and the whole house is quiet. I can now concentrate on my proposal for one of my subjects but noooo, I am blog-hopping and as I stumbled across the entries, I am terribly annoyed to see them getting over the past and moving on without me.

Oh, yes, I almost forgot. I was the one who left. What was I thinking. The world would not stop moving just because I have left.

Sometimes I think of how things would be if I chose to stay. Perhaps I would be so bored and so insanely happy. I was reading my diary, the one that I never finished writing on. It was May 2006 and I was about to leave and I wrote "I cannot believe how this place almost became the death of me." Memories came surging back and I was staring blankly at the heap of folded clothes inside my closet. This was what I was doing just before I left. I was writing random thoughts hurriedly, not knowing what the memories will do to me, years after it has happened. I already forgot how much I hated and loved that place at the same time until now.

I am thinking of how long I will last in this place. Something tells me this will not be the last spot where I will settle. My luggage is still here but I know it will not be able to take all that I want to bring.